We Called Him the Head of the House

your body lies rotting beneath the ground
beneath my feet so i doubt these questions count

like why you held your money so tight
looking at us as if we were loons
asking for help and not your family in need

and why you told grandma to shut up that time
revealing your fangs, the meat dangling from your teeth
i, capturing the image so many times hidden from me

who did you love more, papa?
us or the antique cars?
us or the family on the side?
us or the money in your deep deep pockets?
no one questioned the head of the house
how well the blindfolds worked
you so kindly handed out

after the fuss
after my eyes were dried
after i stopped trying to miss you, papa
all i could do was hate you
i got your last glass of water with gritting teeth
and crumpled hands, my heart turning its back on you

however, i must say thanks
for teaching me the blues
seeing men coated in dark hues
the psychological blueprint on the waves
of my brain

papa
i have to know what rights
you thought you had
to keep us tongue tied and doing
it with the grace of a snake
speaking georgia lullabies to keep the mice still
crown royal breath to paralyze until the strike

let go
to fully heal
let go
in order to forgive
so on your grave i stand, lifting my head
to God and all his heavenly hosts
praying for peace
begging for deliverance

an apparition
could this be the trick of
Friday night sleep deprived mind?
maybe, but you remind me too much of someone
i once knew at a time i knew not myself

an apparition
of a guy
darker hair but same dark eyes
i prided myself on knowing well
and i could talk to him easily
killing time with a few thoughts plaguing my mind
it doesn't surprise me that i treat you the same

between spewing indie band names
and laughing at sibling slavery
i make a soul decision to be your sidekick
because i believe you could fight crime if you wanted to
i could be your GPS to places of new experiences
ideas lost along the flight through buildings

laugh at this
but there's a connection
my thread to yours
creating a curvacious line through time
these eight hours of loathing labor
passes with the reading of Tote Predictions
if it were up to me i'd be speaking with violins
while you give me beats on the snare and bass

there's a crack in time that i cannot repair
but you seem to give me a chance to love what could have been:
the wallflower leaning toward the superhero
whispering a tune or two of secret songs like lost kids
under the steps of a slide

we are not the normal
we are not the common
and because of that
i want to hold your hand
and tell you everything

You Must Be Stupid, I Think You Are Stupid When it Comes to This

all i can see is darkness in my rearview
the side mirrors are no help because shadows they're darkened too
at some point in between your dissonant chord tones i tuned out
and tuned into my own
there's always a record playing even when the needle is pulled
like a good lonely girl i sung myself to sleep
pushing down the rage that tasted like a bile sea
you carry on carry on carry on
free yourself from the words you held onto
while i just kept mine
being polite
being scolded
being stupid

I Feel Alive When Yelled At

clearly
something within me
likes being the dog
sitting in a puddle of her own piss
waiting for the smack across the face
waiting for the kick in the ass
waiting to be dragged outside into the dirt
and shown what big dogs are supposed to do

When I Tell You I'm Sleepy, This Does Not Mean Fuck Me Anyway

goodnight
sleep tight
let me tuck you in
sweet dreams
don't scream
this will only last five minutes
hold on
be strong
take it like a woman.

This Is Where I've Choosen to Breed

you dropped a dime
he said
take it, it's yours
she said

and just like that the curtain was drawn
missing audience for the round of applause
carpet sprinkled with the shells of human nails
paranoia the epidemic of my time

it's going to rain
they said
i have my umbrella
he said

while the soldiers gathered
cheering over blood splatter
hunters tremble in their boots
tripping orgasms after the shoot
pull it in, reel it in, pull it in
tonight we feast on next of kin

hold our hands
we said
not on your life
they said

snap, snap, snap
a thousand heads for just one lap
and she feels the wind lick the tears from her cheeks
it won't be long...

A Little Warning Would Have Been Nice

in the time it takes to wander this place
i erase you from my mind
too many brain cells destroyed by the brandy
too much space devoted to you
though i kept the cannon ready
in case time proved unsteady.

Grandma Told Me to Go to Church on Sundays, but I Didn't Listen

how could i believe
you to be the repairer of my broken heart
the clock-maker of my ticking clock
its hands stuck on a quarter after eight

the polisher of my worn boots
lifeless and bent at the toe
seen many places that you'll never go
kicked rocks that you'll never know

the holder of my nail-bitten hand
chipped, cheap nail polish
bought on a whim to feel more like a woman
a job you failed on the eighth day

i came to this place
with my head in a spontaneous space
waiting for your touch or something
a comfort from you nor found in anyone else
but i've forgotten the scars you create
the medusa complex you have over me

bring me down
drag my fallen, fickle, feet across town
and tell me this is love, sweetness
tell me this is love

Even Whores Know When Morning Comes

there's no point in pulling
out a fresh pair of underwear
like you wear them anyway
might as well pack back up
cause your time in this space is spent

the inn keeper keeps giving hints
through the screened windows and air vents
you've got to move on from here
clean your nose and slip on
those silk pantyhose they loved watching you dance in

tomorrow's not promised
but tonight we can play
sit on the hallowed ground
count our blessings by the number
of teeth remaining in our mouth
baby, they're still in love with you

come closer, watch the scabs peel from my knees
smell the water raining from the dead trees
go swimming before the snakes awake
and take their blues out on you

the inn keeper keeps whispering hints
through the screened windows
and again while touching you in the tent
getting off while you cry and bleed below
it's that time before dawn when the safest
thing to do is get up and run

There's Nowhere to Go Now but Up

a glass a day became a
pitcher every two hours
a pack a week became a
pack a day amongst the flowers
i pulled her hand, wanted to
show her the gate where i tried to escape

a garage band selling tickets
in front of starbucks
girls in short skirts buying
cocks for a few dirty bucks
kids crying in the mix
having been neglected for all of this

i'm watching the sky
telling time while the
ships and rabbits float by
waiting on a better moment to pass me by

Attention Sea Creatures

this isn't going to be
another emotional broadcast
for the men and women at sea
i've done that for too long
and now i must be leaving

All This For You and No Appreciation

playing an instrument i know nothing about
pulling on a bull's horns to get him out
riding the train on a rainy day
twirling in the garden before the tornado's bed lay
sinus infection says good morning
coffee's been drained before your knowing
the cat scolds the rats in the ceiling
put on my raincoat and escape for the evening
thought of calling him after strangling her
thought of confessing with a bottle of warm rum
yo hum, yo hum, grab my baby and run
there goes the branch that held my clothes
untied shoes sending me to the concrete floor
the night has just begun
to tell stories for the children of the mourn
i listen well from the corner of my cell
where i think of you whom i gave my heart to

Daily Chores Were Moments of Reflection

a box full of meds swimming in bubble wrap
a glass of ice water from the tap
clean the kitchen before bed
or the belt will sting your legs

shock my system just a little more
tell me how far to step
away from the door
thoughts of running, bare feet and hands
taking out the trash
i take a secret puff from my secret stash
but even then i can feel your eyes

they drill into my back like that tool
from papa's shed, which i don't mind
as long as you can't get inside my head

now is not the time for bonding
now is not the time for making up
now is the time for determination
now is the time for growing up

What Started as a Road Trip Turned Into an Escape Route

stuck in the backseat
folding and unfolding my hands
to the beat of some unknown song
from the last minute mixtape
created in your basement.
eyes to the rearview
a nervous smile from me to you

it's just a ride
she whispered before the door opened,
before i could find my center
while my mind shifts gears
in the wrong way
and i wonder if this car will get us to the bay
with the tank half full
but mine on empty

pray...
like never before
i think of my grandmother declaring:
girl you better give your heart to the Lord.
in your secret grope
i thought the steering wheel broke
leaving us stranded and branded
cows with a slaughter house destiny

speed past this town
switch all the lanes you want
just don't leave me here
for dead so my ghost can haunt
these roads leading to guarded walls,
coated with the blood of strayed animals
and people whom i can't scream my truths to

it's just a ride
i think, looking out the window
a bottle of brandy warmly tucked between my
tired thighs, going to spend the night
snip, snipping away dead ties

come on baby dance my way
teach me the art of going astray
show me where my hands can play
i promise you won't notice
night turn to day
and while you sleep i will not creep
away into the darkness holding socks and underwear
i'd rather lie and watch a serenity rarely seen
between two strangers not knowing where they've been
hooked at the knees when morning comes
tangled sheets where our bodies were put to test
i'll kiss the beat between thighs that never rest

Texas Was Not On My Mind

how hard was the day
to cause your eyes of pain
to look my way as the clock stroke eight
and i shivered at the whistle of the freight

you wanted to board a speeding car
i could tell but i just didn't have the heart
to follow you on the quest
for whatever you lost years ago

taken as lack of love
taken as disloyalty
taken as a sign of failed destiny
my hands whimpered beneath the strength of yours
you would not let me go
until the grip ceased my bloodflow

the whistle grew
with the drumming of the oncoming war
trapped between the time i gave you my soul
and the time you served tainted blood

no breathing...
you whispered.

'til the moon is darkened and i am through
clearly, a woman's pleas meant nothing to a man
in need of conquering the threat of
"no longer mine"

lights out in this corner of the world
just you, your red 100, and i
does it constantly come down to this:
death within after months of bliss?

the carpet rolled beneath my feet
taking away the balance i once knew
and like a cold 1941 morning of a jew
i had no choice but to follow you

The Baroness

the baroness thought she knew
herself, herself, herself, on a day
when all seemed right
a moment alone from the struggle of life

to be swept away from this...
place, caught up in the exotic
on a mundane petticoat chase
when the wind blew and took a peek beneath her dress

the baroness held tight to
secrets centuries kept with
her fingers in her hole and her legs on the man who slept
near and dear to her on a full moon night

in whose last breath she whispered:
baroness' can put up one hell of a fight

It's A Circus, I Swear

her life has gone to the midgets
caught in the storm of aesthetic images
kept hidden from the public for thousands of years
she stumbles on the sacred garden rocks
shaped and colored like the young man's cock
shown to her during the feast of Dionysos

she was followed home
on her bare heels the purple gnome
held on wanting to discover secret passages
written overtime by she and her ancestors
you can not undo the works of evil hands with your mouth sewn shut
scorpions in your pants crawling inside you
to eat the residue swallowed on a whim
while in the company of fools

Dear UPS Man

take it down to the train station
where your mother's probably waiting with a sigh and dark-circled eyes
she reveals her age without speaking

take it up to the second floor
place it in front of the wired-shut door
and hold your breath, the smell of love-making oozes from the cracks
a fuck for good luck while the kids play black jack

ship it to the north during winter
for skinny legs that pass as splinters
lying in the palms of men-stained night clubs
tucked in dark corners downtown
her name is Lilth, her Revelon-red hair covered with his filth
but she doesn't mind, just something to pass the time

hold on tight, don't start a fright
amongst old women still pushing their hearts to their sleeves
burning their bras and flying ribbons on All Hallows Eve
they tell you stories of a forever lasting period: not worthy for the maxi!
respect, respect, respect

She Was In, But They Wanted Her Out

down in the valley
just west of the apple orchard
she lied face down in the field
where thirty minutes ago the whole gang
banged out their shields
bound by blood, sisters and brothers
die by the sword than give each other trouble

but she was weak
valid reason to terminate and not put to use
and i lingered in the shadows
while the blows and pops grew louder...harsher by the hour
thoughts of Rapunzel unable to escape her tower
even with all that golden hair
beauty turned to despair

her porcelain face became that of
a tossed doll, played with more than usual: shut mouth to keep the sound in
falling to her knees she simply couldn't see
familiar cheeks once kissed by her lips that were bleeding

and i lingered in the shadows shackled by rules and fear
not wishing for death on this God-less new year
bound by blood, sisters and brothers
death by a bullet that should have missed her

down in the valley
just east of the apple orchard
the forbidden dance of betrayal performed for
one from six others
and here i stand with invisible blood on my clean hands